Without You
by sailorswithhearts
Summary: Cho Chang wasn't the only one who loved Cedric Diggory. PadmaCedric drabble. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters. They belong to the lovely J.K. Rowling. 

This is a Padma/Cedric drabble, told from Padma's point of view after his death.

Reviews are greatly appreciated!

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When Harry carried Cedric's body out of the maze, my lips went dry and I suddenly felt the urge to pass out.  
I didn't want to believe it. I prayed to the higher power I ceased to believe in that it was all horrible dream. I wanted so badly just to wake up and find that this didn't happen.  
Cedric couldn't possibly be dead, could he?  
I saw him lying there, cold and limp, and that's when I knew.  
My knees buckled and I broke into sobs.  
There was a lump in my throat that felt like it was just waiting to burst.  
And oh, oh lord, did it hurt.  
Oh Cedric, baby. Why'd you do this? Is this really happening?

A few rows in front of me, Cho Chang was in hysterics. I wanted to kick her in the face.  
Not because she was upset, everyone was obviously upset, but because she kept claiming they were in love.  
Sure she was his girlfriend, but they weren't in love. Maybe she was in love with him, but he didn't love her back.  
She didn't know that, I'm sure.  
There were a lot of things that she didn't know.  
She didn't know that he and I were together. She didn't know that he and I made love behind her back. She didn't know that he was planning on leaving her for me.  
Cho Chang wasn't the only one who loved Cedric Diggory.

It started off innocently enough.  
I was taking Advanced Potions, and Snape put me in his class. We were paired up as partners, which was lucky, since he was the only other person I vaguely knew. It only made sense when we began to study in the library together.  
He was Cho Chang's boyfriend, so I knew him in passing. We made small talk over belladonna and aconite, over the ingredients in Calming Draught and the effects of Felix Felicis.  
Our friendship developed from there. Instead of just small talk, we were having actual conversations, and not about ridiculous daft things, mind you. Cedric was quite intellectual, and the fact that he was incredibly attractive was a definite plus.  
I was dying for another intelligent soul to converse with, and Cedric Diggory just happened to be the one.

I remember this day distinctly.  
I had just gotten into a fight with Parvati about something ridiculous. I forget what. My sister and I always fought like this.  
Usually, I don't end up sobbing, but for some reason, this fight got me more worked up than usual. I was still in tears when I showed up to study with him in the library. With a concerned expression, he asked me if I was alright,  
if there was something wrong. I replied that I was fine, but he didn't believe me.  
_"Do you want to take a walk?"_ he asked, _"Studying can wait"  
_I don't remember telling him yes, or even leaving the library, but the next thing I knew, we were headed in the direction of the Quidditch Pitch. Practice was over, he told me, no one would be out there.

So we sat in the stands and talked. I told him about the fight with Parvati and how everyone always deemed Parvati as "the pretty twin" but not to my face, of course. I told him about how I couldn't compete with Parvati in terms of looks, so I just didn't. I told him that I was pretty much past the fact that every guy liked her better than me, to which he replied, _"That's not true. I know for a fact that not every guy likes her better"_  
I laughed as if he had said something funny, and he looked at me with a perplexed expression.  
I told him just about everything that was on my mind, and he listened. It felt good to talk about all of it.  
Then he talked to me. He told me about the upcoming Triwizard Tournament. He told me that he was scared, that the tasks seemed very intimidating. He told me about his relationship with Cho. Apparently things weren't going so well. He told me that Cho could get obsessive sometimes. She had serious trust issues and always suspected that he was cheating.  
_"Do you love her?"_ I asked.  
_"I don't know,"_ He replied, _"It's complicated. I love the person she used to be, before she became clingy and obsessive. She has changed a lot since the beginning of our relationship. Honestly, I'm not sure."_

The sun had gone down and the stars were coming out.  
We continued to talk about our families, teachers we hated, about how somewhere in Hogwarts Castle, Trelawney was formulating another one of her predictions, which we both agreed were nonsense.  
Then we were silent. His arm found its way around me, and my head was on his shoulder.  
Crickets may have chirped, the wind may have whistled, but all I remember was the silence as I looked up at him. He placed his hand on my cheek, then leaned over and kissed me.  
_"Don't you have a girlfriend?"_ I asked.  
_"What girlfriend?"_ he replied with a smirk and pulled me close.  
I laughed and we kissed again.  
I looked into his eyes as he looked back at me.  
My god, he was beautiful.  
I have felt things for other boys. Felt without falling, but this was very different.  
_"I like you, Padma,"_ he said, running a hand through my hair, _"I have for a while now"_  
_"I like you too, Cedric,"_ I replied, hoping to Merlin that my voice didn't crack or I didn't stutter.  
Above us, distant bodies so fascinating and indescribable formed a pattern across the night's ceiling.  
I was afraid to move again. The moment was too beautiful to be lost.  
We held each other at the same time, and I thought, this is what is eternal.  
Not for us, but the moment in itself.

We kept things quiet. Sometimes we would meet in empty classrooms, behind the greenhouses, the restricted section, or out by the lake to satisfy our physical needs. Cedric kissed with such hunger and passion that it made me weak in the knees.  
As strange as it sounds, he made me want to be a better person. I wanted to be prettier for him. I started dressing nicer and paid more attention to my appearance. He noticed, and it was all worth it.  
It was hard to keep from laughing when I heard Cho complaining in the Common Room. She was venting to Marietta about how Cedric was acting strange. She wondered if there was someone else. Marietta advised her to talk with him about it, but I knew that she wouldn't.  
I actually got butterflies in my stomach whenever I thought about him. He made me tremble.  
As we held hands beneath the library table, I realized that the room got hotter whenever he touched me.

Our late-night meetings were my addiction, and his voice slipping out of him and into me was my obsession.  
His voice would change when he said _"I love you,"_ like he was praying to Jesus and murmuring his name.  
His lips are thick and soft, and my whole body feels electric when I touch him. We made love in the prefect's bathroom one night. I wasn't a virgin, but if I had to give it up again, I'd give all it to him.  
Our bodies moved in perfect harmony as we both reached our climax.  
_"I'm leaving her,"_ he told me as we held each other and laid on the marble floors of the bathroom.  
_"What are you talking about?"_ I responded.  
_"I'm leaving her after the third task. I want to be with you, not her"_  
_"Are you sure?"_ I whispered.  
_"I've never been more sure of anything in my life,"_ he said as he kissed me.  
Forever is a stupid promise that no one can ever keep, but we just did.

I was so scared for him on the day of the third task. I kept telling myself that he would be okay, he would come back to me and I wouldn't have to worry anymore. I didn't know that I was wrong. I didn't know that our kiss that morning would be our last. I didn't know that I would never get to tell him how much I loved him. I hope he knew.  
Avada Kedavra, they told me, was what finished him off.  
I cried very, very hard. Gasping, choking sobs that I was unable to talk through.  
All I wanted to do was run. I have no idea what happened to me.  
My mind went blank and my thoughts went crazy.  
It's unsettling when things are blurry like this.  
This is not right. I am not right.

Sometimes I forget what day it is. The numbers don't line up. They don't make months, weeks and hours.  
I can't concentrate in class anymore. I don't have any of the right answers. _"I don't know,"_ has become my answer to everything.  
Maybe Cho Chang has started to get over him. I hear she's dating Harry Potter now.  
Oh Cedric, darling, I still cry for you. I cry because it's the only thing I know how to do. If crying would have brought you back, you'd have returned so long ago.  
God, I wish you were here with me. I love you too much, and for this reason, I'll probably always be alone.  
I can't handle someone else being good to me.  
I had a dream about you again. I remember waking up feeling so warm and content and happy that I didn't want to open my eyes.  
I'm scared of what is going to happen to me if I don't start caring or feeling something. If I ever move on from here, I won't know what to feel. I'll feel okay for once and that will feel so wrong and I'll collapse.

No, Cho Chang wasn't the only one who loved you, Cedric.  
Padma Patil loved you too.


End file.
